So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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