are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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