i don't like sucking hair
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
