is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
