I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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