She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
