the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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