my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
