So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
BRING THE BAGELS
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
