rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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