I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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