I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
