Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
