We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
