Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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