I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Everyone says I win the strip club
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
