Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
where are my eyebrows?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
