Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
