im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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