We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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