Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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