apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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