I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
