So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
