ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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