There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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