i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
