I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
