I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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