you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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