we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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