def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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