Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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