this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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