so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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