I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
