yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
