i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
