Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
