this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
