Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
