So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
