It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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