NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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