im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
BRING THE BAGELS
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
