i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
