mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
