but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
