Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
