God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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