Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
pray to the hookup gods
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
