how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
