it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
This baby is an asshole
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
