i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
we're so committed to being not committed
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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